Unofficial Terms - Gateway Meat

Gizmo has a nice link to a very dangerous new food which reminded me of the following.

We had a vegetarian friend over for dinner the other night. She won't eat anything with a face. So, we make a fresh pesto with green beans and red potatoes. It was delightful. We all loved it. There's nothing like fresh pesto.

The wine glasses nearly empty, Mrs. Echo and her friend decide they need more cold white wine. Our friend opens the fridge to get the wine out and there, staring her in the face, is... bacon.

"Eeks! Bacon!" she exclaimed.

I started to apologize to her, but before I could she continued.

"How can you have bacon in your fridge?! Do you have any idea about the power of bacon? It's a fucking gateway meat!"

A gateway meat... Nice...

How Did I Get Up Here?

I remember seeing this video on MTV2 and thinking that it was bizarre, trippy, catchy... Whatever happened to Powder? Whatever happened to Tenacious S?
I've been out to T's site but no updates for awhile. I've been to other blogs and found a lack of posting. Then I said to myself: Self? What about you, jackass?

And I realized that life was interfering with blogging. What the fuck is up with that?? Coaster Punchman is now showing signs of dragging between posts. Same with T. Same with Echo...

And what about the next great genius? Kefla? Where's Old Lady? Did I miss something? Is everyone okay? Anyone else disappear?

So, how did we get to this point? I don't know... But Echo sends some mad love to all you guys and everyone else I read out there...

Now, for no apparent reason, here are some *headlights*... I had to do that... Sorry...

Powder |MTV Music

Tattoo Off!

Inspired by Tenacious S, I visited the Boardwalk in Myrtle Beach. Passed a few Tattoo Parlors before I met Street Performer/Cotton Candy Vendor/Home Schooled Tattoo artist, Monty Carmichael. I opted to go old school. Monty taught me that there was no need to pay for some fancy, elitist tattoo artist with mechanical thingamajiggers for putting ink on skin. He showed me some tricks he learned in prison. A pointy shiv, some Crayola markers, and Neo Sporin - would you believe that's all you need to get a successful tat? Infections are soooooo overrated!

I decided to put my nemesis on my ass! Above is a photo of [Redacted]. Below is an approximation of the final art work. I'd say: Nicely done!


So, take that, Tenacious S! Anytime you want to have a Tattoo-off, you let me know! Monty is back in jail for a spell, but when he gets out I'd be happy to provide you, my many reader, with a reference. (BTW, Don't worry about the smell of urine in the alley; Monty carries incense with him... not sure why...)

In the news: Fiorina Fired! McCain's World! People's Insurance!

Carly Fiorina, the former big cheese of Hewlett-Packard, was fired by the McCain campaign after suggesting that none of the Presidential candidates including Sen McCain and Caribou Barbie were capable of running a business. Said Miss Fiorina, "That's business. Now, I just need my $25 Million parachute like the one I got from HP and I'll be on my way!"

John McCain went on the air yesterday and said: "The fundamentals of our economy are strong." Unfortunately, this was due to a teleprompter malfunction. The actual text of his speech read as follows:

Yo, bitches. The fundamentals of my economy are strong! I got seven houses. I got a rich-ass wife. And I invented the Blackberry, motherf-ckers!

The teleprompter operator has since been reassigned according to campaign sources.

In other news, Republicans long opposed to *socialized healthcare* rejected the Fed's plan to bailout AIG as *corporate welfare* and *socialized investment*-- wait a minute.... This just in... Republicans now are in favor of socialism as long as it is for corporations and protects their profits and wholeheartedly reject some of the comments they've made on the situation. We'll have more on this as it develops.

FAIL... Caribou Barbie...

Ms. One Heartbeat From The Presidency, here's an easy one. What is... wait for it... the Bush Doctrine? You know? The doctrine that defines your party's military position? C'mon, Caribou Barbie! This is a softball...



FAIL...

Dear Grant Miller...

Your last week of posting?


FAIL

This Week In Censorship...

Those douchenozzles at MTV wouldn't allow host Russell Brand to poke fun of John McSame and Sarah *I'm Fucking Crazy* Palin. So, I'll tell the joke that offended MTV (who says Rock'n'Roll is alive and well in corporate Generica?):

Sarah Palin's daughter had a baby because she's sooooooo pro-fetus. Then because she's soooo pro capital punishment she's having her daughter executed for being a little shit.

Fuck MTV. Don't get defensive with me, son!

In SCHOOL We Trust

Today, dropping off the monkeys at school, I passed a young lady who didn't look much older than my own Pebbles but was in fact somewhere between 16 and 18. I thought she was dropping off a kindergartner but saw that she was meeting her mom who worked at the school. Sitting in my car I noticed her as she walked back to her car parked next to mine. She said rather loudly to the 16 year old sitting in the passenger seat, "can you make sure my daughter is buckled up?"

Okay, now, this clearly is not the ideal situation for a kid to have to endure. It's terrible. As she pulled out I noticed that she had her Right Wing Requisite *In God We Trust* license plates. In my head, I immediately thought of Sara *The Rocket Scientist* Palin who is anti-choice and pro God in schools.

Here's an idea! Instead of worrying about whether Tommy Joe or Suzie Mae are getting God or saying Under God in the pledge or God this or God that... how about having them crack open a book and learn something? Sarah Palin thinks that saying Under God was good enough for the founding fathers which shows that Ms. Palin doesn't read books on history. Otherwise, she would know that the pledge of allegiance was originally written for a children's magazine and that *Under God* was added in the 50s to combat those evil Communists!

So here's Echo's new Pledge of Allegiance:

I pledge allegiance to the American Ideal
For which it stands
One nation
Educated in history, literature, math and the sciences
With Liberty and Justice for All
Not just the rich Caucasians
Regardless of Religion, Race, Gender, or Orientation
And if you don't like it,
you have my permission to just fuck off...

BTW, Mrs. Echo thinks we need a license plate that reads: *In Condoms We Trust...As Long As We're On The Pill*.

An Open Letter To Hurricane Hanna

Dear Hurricane Hanna,

Do not fuck with us. You will dissipate. You hurricanes always do. Too scared to stick around. So, just move along now.

Don't get defensive with me, son!

Sincerely,

The Good People of the MB and Officer Rivieri

File This One Under *No shit, Sherlock*

From the most trusted name in news:

Just Sayin...

Since John McCain is against the Equal Pay Act, does that mean we'll get a discount on the VP's salary if he is elected considering that he's chosen Sara Palin to be his running mate?

BREAKING: McCain NOT GEWish!!!

Clearly, judging by what's for sale at the McCain store, he is not a practicing GEW.

Personal foul. John McCain. Illegal use of an apostrophe. Turnover on downs. Barack Obama - First Down!

I guess he's targeting the Junior College crowd...

Unofficial Terms - Golden Waterfalls

As some of you know, I am completely enamored with Miki Berenyi (come back, Miki!) However, where Miki's singing warms me up, I have to go elsewhere to get my wild freak on. Shirley Manson and Garbage do just that.

But just as there are lyrical problems with some other artists (cough! Alanis! Cough! Ironic! Cough!) The line that gets me is:

Happy hours, golden showers, on a cruise to freak you out.

Now, I am not bothered because of some prudish...ew, golden showers, ew... kind of vibe. No, it's not that. It's the phrase before it. *Happy hours,*. To me that implies that, based on sentence structure, two people go to a happy hour, followed by a trist, followed by said *Golden shower*.

If I do my math properly, a happy hour equates to about four to six beers. Let's call it five. Now, given that happy hours only last an hour or two (don't get me started), that is alot of booze in a short period of time - followed by sexual congress of some sort. How can that sex be good??? Moreover, it is then followed by said *golden shower*, which at this point is a *golden waterfall*... Now, I am all for getting my freak on, but really?

On a cruise to freak you out...

How about *On a cruise to gross me out*?

Those of you with more *golden shower* experience please leave your thoughts in the comments...




Btw, One of my favorite lines from this tune - which I LOVE is: Blood and blisters on my fingers, chaos rules when we're apart...

Unofficial Terms - *Douchebag-arean Theorem*

The following video contains graphic images of Officer Douchebag picking on a 14 year old skateboarder. This Vic Mackey wannabe, doesn't realize he's driving a Matchbox car on Inner Harbor duty. For those of you not in the know, the Inner Harbor is the Chicago Lakefront is the National Mall is the beach... It's the place all the tourists visit. It's the friendly part of town. It's not where anyone goes to get their ass kicked by some guy who has a hard-on for kicking the ass of some harmless skateboarders. I guess Officer Douchebag got into law enforcement after watching Dirty Harry a few too many times. What a douchebag...

Employing the *Douchebag-arean Theorem*, we find that:

Douchebag = the square root of (Use of the phrase *Don't get defensive with me, son* squared + Abuse of power squared + Fear of *Dude*)

I once had a similar run-in with a cop. Of course, if memory doesn't fail me, I accidentally revealed my ninja powers when I kicked his ass and the asses of about twenty of his fellow dudes who were all dressed in black and their boss - some *dude* named Roger Ghoul or Rhas Al Ghul or... or maybe that was Batman Begins... Hmmm... Oh, well... Roll sound...



Oh, and for any of you angry commenters out there: Don't get defensive with me, son!

Gary Glitter's Plane Diverted!

Earlier today, Gary Glitter's plane from Bangkok to London was diverted to Beijing, China where IOC authorities implored Mr. Glitter to once and for all settle their bet on whether the Chinese gymnasts were really 13. It is believed that if Mr. Glitter does his Austin Powers impression upon seeing the world's finest gymnasts, the Chinese will have to forfeit their gymnastics medals. "Oh, be-have!"

More as this story develops...